Struggling with Anger Issues?

Techniques for Identifying and Releasing Pent-Up Anger Responsibly

What is anger? Anger is an emotion that happens when you experience some type of injustice or feel slighted, threatened, or mistreated. You might, for example, feel angry when:

you’re facing a difficult life challenge – i.e., family problems, relationship woes

challenges arise that you can’t do anything about, i.e., bad traffic

someone hurts you or someone you care about

you feel unappreciated or misunderstood by others

While anger is neither good nor bad, how you choose to express your anger can make a dramatic difference in your life.

Just know that expression of anger irresponsibly has the potential to create a tremendous amount of harm.

You may have anger issues if:

you feel your anger seems out of control

your anger is affecting your relationships

your anger is hurting others

your anger causes you to say or do things you regret

you are verbally or physically abusive

Learning constructive ways to release your anger responsibly can improve your life tremendously. Dealing with anger is a part of life.

Expression of anger can manifest in 3 different ways. Anger can be expressed inward, passive or outward.

Inward Anger. Recognize this when you’re suppressing angry feelings. This type of anger is called pent-up anger or anger that's been withheld or not expressed. It can be directed at yourself. This can affect your physical and mental health. It involves negative self-talk, denying yourself things that make you happy or even basic needs, such as food. Self-harm and isolating yourself from people are other ways anger can be directed inward.

Passive Anger. This involves using subtle and indirect ways to express your anger. Examples of this passive-aggressive behavior include giving someone the silent treatment, sulking, being sarcastic, and making snide remarks.

Outward Anger. This involves expressing your anger and aggression in an obvious way. This can include behavior such as shouting, cursing, throwing or breaking things, or being verbally or physically abusive toward others.

If you suppress and bury your angry feelings, be aware when you are doing this, as it leads to low self-esteem, anxiety, and passive- aggressive behavior.

How to Express Anger Responsibly

Venting your anger in private can help you feel a sense of control without harming anyone else. This should be considered a temporary solution, since you’re not addressing the situation that fueled your anger. You’re just defusing your anger so you don’t magnify the situation.

The most important skill to develop is assertiveness. It’s challenging to express your feelings if that isn’t normal for you. Learn to let others know in a constructive way when they’ve upset you. Start with smaller things, and the bigger things will become easier.

If you dump your anger aggressively, challenge your unrealistic thinking. Aggressive behavior is commonly fueled by unrealistic expectations. People aren’t going to treat you fairly 100% of the time. Your children aren’t going to listen to you 100% of the time. Your spouse won’t always give you the attention you desire. Accept it and realize that you’re making assumptions when you have unrealistic expectations. The behavior of others isn’t always about you.

Replace your unreasonable expectations with different thoughts. Seek alternate explanations for someone’s actions when you find yourself becoming angry. What are some other possible reasons for the situation at hand?

Learn to pause and think before you act. If you’re a dumper, you’re probably like a bull in a china shop, wreaking havoc without any thought about what you’re doing. Count to ten, take a deep breath, and then speak carefully. There is nothing stronger than maintaining control over yourself.

You can often prevent situations that make you angry. Do what you can to avoid issues before they get started. If there are people, places, or situations that seem to trigger angry feelings, attempt to minimize your exposure to those triggers. Here are two examples: When your child doesn’t clean their room, shut the door instead of getting angry about the mess. If you're easily angered by traffic, use public transportation instead of driving to work.

Stop and Listen - Stay in Your Adult Self

When you are in a strong disagreement/argument before you jump to a conclusion and say unkind things, make an effort to stop and listen to the other person before reacting. This can help your anger drop and allow you to better respond and resolve the situation. Think carefully before replying. If necessary, take a time out. Tell the other person you need to take a step away so you can cool down before you continue the conversation. Make an agreement when to return- ex: 1 hour, later that day, a specific time the next day.

Seek Professional Help from a Counselor, Life Coach, or Hypnotherapist

If the above strategies are not working for you, you are unable to let go of the anger, your anger is beginning to affect your relationships, and/or your ability to feel happy and be close to others, find a professional that can help you learn strategies to express your anger responsibly. With professional guidance and practice, you can learn to speak your truth, use your authentic voice, and express anger appropriately in the moment.

It is wise and responsible to work with a professional who will help you identify your anger triggers, get to the root cause of your anger issues, remove them, and learn behavioral skills and ways of thinking to handle your anger responsibly. In addition, it’s also important to get guidance on clearing, resolving, and being complete with any harm you may have caused others, forgiving yourself and forgiving others for what happened. You may consider seeking the services of a Life Coach who is also trained as a Hypnotherapist.

Practice these strategies, get the help you need, and move forward with your life. You’ll be glad you did!